Last night I dreamed that I was Norman Bates’ sister. I came home one day to find blood on the floor and tried to find my brother (which in this case was a fictional movie character whose face I never saw) to make sure he was okay. He was calmly standing on the porch holding a knife with his back to me. I went to reach out to him but then I realized he had murdered our mother and another woman and then I turned and ran. He chased after me and followed me into a room where I hid behind the door. I woke up before he could find me or I could get away. 

I had several dreams last night.

In the first dream, I had a surrogate mother having my baby. I don’t remember a lot about the dream, but when the baby was born, he or she was half black. And I tried to think which boyfriend I had recently who was black, but then realized my donor was white and it was just very confusing. Anyways, the baby wasn’t mine after all, I guess. 

In another dream I was in a car with 3 people. A couple were guy friends of mine, I think one might have been my friend Brent, and the third was this brain-generated girl I did not know. She was brunette and kept hitting on me to the point where she actually grabbed my tits and started sucking on one. Very uncomfortable, as I wasn’t too into it. 

This might have been another dream or maybe the second one shifted, but suddenly I was driving the car and we came to a 4 way stop. We needed to go straight but there was a sign warning us that if we did, we would encounter the largest traffic jam in history. So I turned right instead, not having any idea where we were. Soon after, we came to a stop as a bunch of historical show cars painted in the vibrant metallic gradients started parking in the middle of the road. A beautiful display, yes, but we were essentially stuck. I was trying to think what to do when I woke up. 

Last night I had a sexy dream about David Call. He’s not a particularly famous actor, so in the dream his name was Ben, because that was his character’s name on Gossip Girl (shut up, it’s my guilty pleasure). Anyways, what was weird was that in my dream he was my ex boyfriend. Furthermore, he was an ex boyfriend who was friends with a former friend of mine from eighth grade, Jeremy, who went a little bit nuts and started stalking me. Actually, right after I started to date his best friend, Mike, which didn’t last long. 

In any case, in my dream Jeremy and I were in a bedroom. I don’t know whose or where we were, but we were having a conversation. He was standing over by the dresser, I was sitting on the bed, there was a lot of space between us. We were at the tail end of a conversation, and he abruptly ended it, then said he had to leave anyways, I wasn’t going to like whose room this is. 

I called after him, why, who? But he didn’t reply. He just left. And then Ben walked in. He was dressed in that kind of professor-chic look popularized by the eleventh doctor, in a button down shirt, blue suspenders, and brown pants. I was intensely attracted to him. He started rummaging through drawers, obviously intending to get changed, and I realized it was his bedroom we were in. He suddenly noticed I was there and stopped what he was doing. “What do you want?” He seemed upset but not outright angry with me. 

I had a thought that maybe we had broken up because he didn’t want to fuck me, but I couldn’t be sure. In any case, I answered with, “To tie you up with your suspenders.” Which, granted, is not the smoothest, sexiest line ever. Dream Zoe is even more awkward than awake Zoe. But for some reason, it did the trick. 

He pushed me back on the bed and kissed me. He is kind of a terrible kisser. One of those guys whose inexperience is overcompensated for by aggressive tongue action. It occurred to me to say something, but the kissing didn’t last long. I grabbed him through his pants, and he spread my legs and (I’m not sure how to better explain this) he essentially humped the air in front of me until I climaxed from the mere suggestion of him inside of me. 

Then the dream shifted and he and I were sitting next to each other in some kind of children’s day camp. The kids were asking me questions, and I answered cleverly, but I can’t really remember anything that was asked or said. Emma Blackery from YouTube was there, I think, but I didn’t get to speak with her. 

The dream shifted again, and I was in some kind of office building with a bunch of people varying in age. I couldn’t see Ben anymore. They were all looking out the windows without opening the blinds as reports rolled in of an unknown invasion of some kind. There was a lot of screaming, it was basically an end of the world kind of scenario. I think I looked out the window at some point, but all I saw were people being chased by ginormous bees. We decided to go to the basement, thinking that would be the safest place to hide. 

When we got there, thankfully I found Ben again. We held hands and I told jokes and stories to try to cheer people up. 

That’s all I really remember, I think my cat woke me up at this point. 

Last night I dreamed I was swimming in a river, and underneath the water, I found my sister’s drowned body. Only, in this scenario for some reason my sister was Mia Wasikowska, and she had drowned herself on purpose over her depressive jealousy of my relationship with my husband (who was Johnny Depp). I think they may have had a relationship before our marriage, but I can’t be sure. 

I dragged her body to the surface, shaking her and screaming for her to wake up, but she didn’t move. Johnny was there in the water with me, telling me she was gone. He was saying other things, too, comforting things, trying to calm me down and get me to stop shaking her corpse, but I couldn’t really hear him over my own screaming. 

Then the dream rewound itself and played again. We were all in the water alive and laughing and playing for a while. Mia and I cuddled up on a rock and she put her arm around me and smiled. There was a man there, too, presumably her boyfriend or something. We went back in the water and were swimming when Johnny said he’d be right back, he had to go to the bathroom. When I looked back, I couldn’t see Mia. I screamed to Johnny, “Please don’t let this be happening again!” But it was. 

This time, I dove under the water to find her frantically, hoping I could save her if I found her fast enough. When I tried to bring her to the surface, she became only a shoe. Johnny was back, he said “You’ve only found her shoe!” But when I looked back at the shoe, it became a ragdoll, blonde like Mia. And then it became Mia again, heavy and dead in my arms. 

I screamed again, in horror, anguish, triumph. I still thought I could try CPR or something. But the longer I looked at her, the more dead she became. Her face was turning blue and becoming almost carious in nature. I think the worst part was this, staring into her awful face, screaming “wake up!” and shaking her again, and it was like the whole dream repeated itself, but worse. 

I woke up horrified, exhausted, and covered in sweat. I had only been asleep maybe 6 hours. 

Last night I dreamed i was at this party my “boss” Michelle was throwing in her home. Only it wasn’t the house she actually lives in, it was this 2 story brain-generated mansion that was her home in my dream. The place was a mess and I got the feeling that the party was maybe winding down. 

Tyler was there. What’s strange is that I don’t think I ever actually saw him, I just found things belonging to him and knew he was there. At one point I asked someone passing by where he was and they said to me, “You’re not going after him.” And I got so mad! I was incensed, I could if I wanted to, jackass! But I digress. 

At one point I found my sister, Courtney. Everyone at the party was scantily clad and I don’t remember what she was wearing when I found her, but I took her into a spare room and made her change into what basically amounted to children’s clothes. There was a white shirt covered in multicolored rainbow stars with a bow on the front and matching yoga pants. She complained the whole time and then asked me if I knew anyone at the party with any drugs because she wanted to take some. Coincidentally, I did know, but I didn’t tell her because I didn’t want my little sister doing drugs. I left her in the room and kept going. 

At this point I was trying to get all my belongings together in my carpet bag so that I could leave. Items were scattered all throughout the house and I had my hands and arms full of stuff that I tried to stuff into this travel bag. I remember that I found my phone but that it was dead. Then I found Gabby and I tried to carry her outside, but I was holding too much stuff and she was too heavy, so I told her she would just have to walk with me. 

My boss said she would only give me a ride to the end of the driveway but that there was a car the next street over, so we started walking to her car. Gabby ran ahead into this dirt and gravel parking lot, after some people that were walking around, and I called after her but she didn’t listen. Then she almost got him by these two really souped up hi-tech Japanese cars that were holographic and really cool looking, but the drivers were driving recklessly and not really paying attention. I screamed out and they stopped for her, but it was really scary. 

When we finally got to my boss’ car, it looked like the “big lemon” cars from the Sims 3, I put my stuff and Gabby inside while I waited for her to pump gas. But then there was this giant stampede of rabbits. they swarmed around us and the car, running as fast as they could in one direction. It was very strange to witness. 

I don’t think Michelle actually gave me the ride to the end of her driveway. The end of the dream was me walking down this street, which went down a steep hill. I was carrying all this stuff, like my carpet bag and everything else, plus Gabby. I don’t think I was walking alone, a couple other people were with me, but I don’t think I knew who they were. The hill was really steep and I felt so heavy and weighed down and eventually we came to a stop because we were on top of the roof of a car park that had the street paved on top of it, so suddenly we had gotten off track somehow and were overlooking a McDonald’s parking lot. It was too far down to jump, but the car we needed was close by. We just needed to get down or around somehow…

And then I think my cat woke me up. 

Last night I dreamed I was in a huge stone room there were tables with rows of people sitting at them running the length of the room. There was a man at one end of the room talking, distracting the people. But I knew he was trying to kill them. I knew that as soon as everyone had settled into their seats, giant axes had been activated above the thin ceiling and were lowering down on us while building up swinging velocity. They had been perfectly aligned with the people sitting in rows below. I was the only one who knew, and I had to save them. I think I woke up before it happened though, the cat was meowing and woke me up. 

All I remember of my 2 dreams last night was that in the first one a friendly acquaintance of mine committed suicide in the dream. I texted her when I woke up and she assured me both she and her new baby are fine. It still spooked me a bit. 

I can’t really remember my dream last night, but I remember being at a marina and looking at huge ships, and someone was telling me that one was the flagship of something… and then I woke up. Covered in sweat again. I feel a bit nauseous today. 

But two dreams about giant ships in a row made me think I should look it up. Here’s what the internet has to say on the matter: 

“To dream that you are in or see a boat signifies your ability to cope with and express your emotions. Pay particular attention to the condition and state of the waters, whether it is calm or violent, clear or murky, etc. Are you “smooth sailing”? Alternatively, you may be ready to confront your subconscious and unknown aspects of yourself. The dream could be telling you not to rock the boat and to stay out of harm’s way.”

“To see a ship in your dream denotes that you are exploring aspects of your emotions and subconscious. The state and condition of the ship is indicative of your emotional state. If you dream of a cruise ship, then it suggests pleasant moods. If you dream of a warship, then it means that you are experiencing feelings of aggression.

To dream that you are sailing the high seas in a ship denotes that you are still standing tall despite the emotional turmoil occurring in your life.

To dream that a ship has crashed or sunk suggests that you are feeling emotionally out of control. You are expressing some fear or uncertainly within your emotional state. You are afraid of losing something close to you because of certain difficulties.”

The boat in my dream yesterday didn’t crash or sink, but it was consistently capsizing, so I thought that last bit was possibly relevant. 

Last night I took a lorazepam before I went to bed so I wouldn’t wake up from a nightmare covered in sweat again. But I had a nightmare anyways. 

I was on a boat. Inside the boat was big, spacious, there was a theatre troupe performing elaborate plays. I was with them for a while but I don’t remember that part very well. I went out on the deck of the boat and there were people there, a lot of them. 

This boy I went to high school with was there (Mike), flanked on either side by a beautiful woman. A sudden storm came, and the boat was tossed about. I was the only person with nothing to hold on to and I reached for him. He reached back but was too far away. The ship tossed and turned, sometimes actually going upside down. There was no water, but I felt that I was going to die. 

In the meantime I called out to Mike to help me, and he said no. He told me I was a whore and a slut. This women with him joined in, berating me with insults and accusations. I was a bad woman and I gave it out to any man for free. 

In my dream I was crying and battered and terrified for my life. The ship was still capsizing constantly and I couldn’t get my balance. I felt sick. 

I’m not sure what the impetus was or how I got close enough, but at one point while these women were yelling at me I must have realized one of them had a prosthetic leg. Well, I stole her leg and ran back inside the ship. She chased me (although I’m no sure how that works with her having one leg and all), but I ran fast. 

I gave her leg to the theatre troupe as a prop and when I woke up they were arguing over it. 

I dreamed that I was on an airplane, and I wasn’t sure how or why. Then I remembered that my parents had decided at the last minute to go on vacation, and had put me on a plane. But I guess they went somewhere else, because I never saw them in the dream. I was panicky at first because I hate flying, but then I remembered it’s not so bad since Mickey and I dated and I had to do all that flying for him. As we were taxying out to the runway, I looked out the window, and the character Rachel Green from the tv show “Friends” was outside with her suitcase, saying “It was too late.” Which i think was a reference to a scene from the show. 

Anyways, the dream skips to when I arrive at my destination. I am floating in the air, it is night time, the temperature is balmy, the breeze is cool, the air smells familiar. I have this overwhelming feeling of being home. 

I am at a house I have stayed at before in my dream but is in reality brain-generated. It’s  kind of modern, with high ceilings and big windows. There’s an outdoor living room with sweet-smelling incense burning, and beyond the fields and trees, there is a peach tree orchard. 

As I get to the front door a woman comes out, she is in her forties, blonde, in a loose dress with her hair up. I don’t recognize her. She introduces herself as the housekeeper and says she wasn’t expecting me but is happy I’m here nonetheless. It is around this time that I realize, I DON”T KNOW WHERE GABBY IS. I don’t even remember having her on the plane. I am terrified I left her at home alone with no one to care for her. 

I tell this woman I need to use the phone. She takes me inside, we go to the kitchen. There are two other girls in the kitchen, young ones, whom I also do not know. One is on the phone already, but she hangs up and hands it to me. I call my parents’ house, it goes straight to a voicemail recorded by my grandmother telling me they are on vacation. 

I call my mother’s cell phone and she answers. She tells me everything is fine, she had the animals shipped because it was cheaper and they should be right behind me. I go outside, and there are crates there that weren’t before. I open them and Misha and Gabby are inside. They run around together in the grass and around the trees and are happy. I am immensely relieved, and then I wake up.